First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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