Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
