The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
