If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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