I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
