He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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