I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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