I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
