So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
