so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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