that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
