Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
