My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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