Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
