My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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