Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
