If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
