are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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