I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
