i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
