After last night, I could never be a politician.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dick very happy bro
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
