fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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