The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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