your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
