do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
