she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
