When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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