there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
