mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
