saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
