you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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