i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
