Sry I called you an 8
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
