he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
