There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
