I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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