YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
