youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
