Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
