(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
