is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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