now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
