im drinking this country out of the recession.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
