We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
