Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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