She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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