Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
