Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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