38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
