If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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