Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
