i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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