hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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