i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
