Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
