Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
