Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
