His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
