like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
