the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
