The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
