I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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