You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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