saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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